Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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