the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
