You're completely useless in the revolution.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
