Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
