well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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