Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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