Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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