I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
