I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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