Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
