Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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