No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
