I'm jealous of your bromance
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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