I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
