A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
