So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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