I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
