I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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