In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
