you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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