Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
