we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
