I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
