You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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