listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
