this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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