If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
