He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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