Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
