...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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