i think my tv is drunk
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize