ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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