I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
