i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love having hate sex.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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