i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
