I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Shame - the story of my life.
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