Cold hands, warm shart.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
