I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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