she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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