Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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