Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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