If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
