Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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