Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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