Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
