just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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