Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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