She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
