i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
