I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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