I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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