My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
