The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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