I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Someone came in the potted fern
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
