she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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