I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
