i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my shit smells like andre
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
