Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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