i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
