He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
