OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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