just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Randomize