life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
