Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
