I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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