...so i touched it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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