I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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