I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
