He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
