i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
