Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
