just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
birth control should be required to get into college
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
