dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
