: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
