Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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