I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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