Your face is a jimmy john
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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