i need an iv and a liver transplant
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize