I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
