so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
